When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
