I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
