Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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