Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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