Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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