I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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