A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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