Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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