for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
