her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
This baby is an asshole
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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