All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize