I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Randomize
