It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
