he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
