I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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