You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
