When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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