It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Randomize
