So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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