If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
