dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
