you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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