i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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