Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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