i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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