thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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