I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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