you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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