Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
