i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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