I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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