its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
