It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
we're so committed to being not committed
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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