My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
