i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
