My first STD was from a foam party
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
