ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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