Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
