As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
