You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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