we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
