I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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