my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
