Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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