I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Randomize
