I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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