I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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