Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(703): View more from Virginia

why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?

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(760): View more from California

We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.

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(941): View more from Florida

CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.

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(708): View more from Illinois

Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

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(660): View more from Missouri

I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.

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(419): View more from Ohio

Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...

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(585): View more from New York

Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.

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(507): View more from Minnesota

Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it

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