Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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