The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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