so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
