Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
