i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
