I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
