you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
