Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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