moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there