even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Randomize
