Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.