I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I'm sobbing to NWA
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car