Texts From Last Night

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  (208): View more from Idaho

  i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

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  (208): i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy. http://tfl.nu/3jyj
  Replies (22) Good night (1626) Bad night (674)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  i really like this girl i slept with last night

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  you ask her out again?

  (703): View more from Virginia

  yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married

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  (703): i really like this girl i slept with last night (202): you ask her out again? (703): yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married http://tfl.nu/y34d
  Replies (7) Good night (2859) Bad night (2406)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking

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  (732): I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking http://tfl.nu/678a
  Replies (14) Good night (782) Bad night (2216)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?

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  (404): What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you? http://tfl.nu/4jb3
  Replies (22) Good night (9507) Bad night (6317)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here

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  (303): dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here http://tfl.nu/onu8
  Replies (15) Good night (5270) Bad night (514)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"

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  (303): You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty" http://tfl.nu/y2bi
  Replies (21) Good night (1137) Bad night (6021)
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  (914): View more from New York

  she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"

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  (914): she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it" http://tfl.nu/fy2z
  Replies (41) Good night (13941) Bad night (1607)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings

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  (214): More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings http://tfl.nu/n37n
  Replies (14) Good night (2756) Bad night (1356)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?

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  (832): Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities? http://tfl.nu/5gd1
  Replies (33) Good night (1027) Bad night (7123)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"

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  (859): in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick" http://tfl.nu/v34k
  Replies (18) Good night (4890) Bad night (1076)
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  (310): View more from California

  Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.

  (1-310): View more from California

  Shall we take a trip back?

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  (310): Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times. (1-310): Shall we take a trip back? http://tfl.nu/btgk
  Replies (6) Good night (1932) Bad night (577)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.

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  (970): Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard. http://tfl.nu/a8iw
  Replies (1) Good night (921) Bad night (406)
• Favorite

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.

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  (423): I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax. http://tfl.nu/e9ya
  Replies (10) Good night (686) Bad night (624)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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  (614): Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month. http://tfl.nu/2n60
  Replies (4) Good night (617) Bad night (336)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.

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  (423): He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him. http://tfl.nu/spuu
  Replies (5) Good night (787) Bad night (164)

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