I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
