Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(702): View more from Nevada

I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever

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(702): I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever http://tfl.nu/c1jo

Replies (11) Good night (2171) Bad night (1246)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair

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(985): And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair http://tfl.nu/0fee

Replies (16) Good night (6461) Bad night (977)
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(678): View more from Georgia

i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend

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(678): i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend http://tfl.nu/xiia

Replies (7) Good night (3775) Bad night (1210)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final

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(724): Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final http://tfl.nu/g3gv

Replies (7) Good night (2616) Bad night (1078)
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(740): View more from Ohio

He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"

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(740): He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work" http://tfl.nu/lj9u

Replies (6) Good night (3676) Bad night (792)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.

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(610): Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud. http://tfl.nu/pb1f

Replies (8) Good night (2552) Bad night (870)
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(214): View more from Texas

Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.

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(214): Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house. http://tfl.nu/po12

Replies (10) Good night (2171) Bad night (818)
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(402): View more from Nebraska

She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.

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(402): She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago. http://tfl.nu/udi4

Replies (4) Good night (628) Bad night (1377)
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(307): View more from Wyoming

I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye

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(307): I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye http://tfl.nu/lqr2

Replies (1) Good night (1148) Bad night (410)
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(651): View more from Minnesota

Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical

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(651): Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical http://tfl.nu/03xj

Replies (0) Good night (506) Bad night (323)
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(304): View more from West Virginia

He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"

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(304): He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance" http://tfl.nu/4970

Replies (0) Good night (629) Bad night (533)
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(219): View more from Indiana

They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.

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(219): They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M. http://tfl.nu/5crd

Replies (1) Good night (552) Bad night (387)
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(707): View more from California

Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.

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(707): Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old. http://tfl.nu/gi35

Replies (5) Good night (332) Bad night (728)
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(305): View more from Florida

When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"

(407): View more from Florida

I was feeling the aftermath of his penis

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(305): When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa" (407): I was feeling the aftermath of his penis http://tfl.nu/n61i

Replies (1) Good night (865) Bad night (237)
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(540): View more from Virginia

Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"

(404): View more from Georgia

That is so sad.

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(540): Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?" (404): That is so sad. http://tfl.nu/7h4e

Replies (5) Good night (294) Bad night (841)

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