Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(440): View more from Ohio

My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.

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(972): View more from Texas

Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.

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(416): View more from Ontario

she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes

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(816): View more from Missouri

My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.

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Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(+44): View more from United Kingdom

So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.

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(518): View more from New York

you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved

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(714): View more from California

All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.

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(909): View more from California

My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.

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(605): View more from South Dakota

My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.

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