I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
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