That reminds me...we need to get swords
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
