dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
