So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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