First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
