So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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