erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
