Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
