guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
