Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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