I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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