Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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