I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
