So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
