So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
