I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
