I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
