I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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