he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
