Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
