hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
