Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
