your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
