Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
FUCK WHALES
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
