Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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