Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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