I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
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I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
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I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
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