so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
