haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
