Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
